...but sooo irrational.)
Do not fall to the temptation of irrational writing, ladies and gentlemen. Irrationality is a dark, dark, lonely road, reserved only for those who desire to get beaten over the head by editors.
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DISCLAIMER: I had no one in mind at all when I was writing the below. If you notice any similarities between the below problems and yourself...toootal coincidence. Yup.
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Irrational Author's Problem #1.) If a character is about to die, do NOT pull out a "but suddenly". Either rework it so that character isn't in such definite danger or kill the bloody character.
"But...but..." you say, "...I like this character too much! I can't kill him!"
Enter Irrational Author's Problem #2.) KNOW your characters, but do NOT get attached to them! I look at most of my characters like I look at a bug that I'm about to squish. This is acceptable. Other people will hop into a character's shoes to write said character, and then hop out when done. That is also acceptable. The more extreme authors will talk to their charries, and the most extreme authors will look at their characters like children, and, in this case, extremity is failure. By loving your characters and refusing to hurt them, (you're a doll BUT) you're limiting your writing!
Irrational Author's Problem #3.) Start scenes at RATIONAL points in time. If the main action/necessary plot point begins at 6 P.M., do NOT start the scene at noon and talk about how the charrie is either a.) totally oblivious, b.) feeling "change in the air", or c.) dreading a bad omen. No matter how dramatic you try to make it, when you start stories too early, the reader DOES. NOT. CARE. So you had orange juice fore breakfast~?!
BIG. DEAL.
Irrational Author's Problem #4.) Make your characters accept facts as soon as you'd accept them. Scrap that lookalike, "She couldn't believe her ears" phrase. None of this, "No. You're not my father! You can't be!" silliness. In fact…
Irrational Author's Problem #5.) Don't tie in the main character with everyone unless if the tie-in is RATIONAL. When the story is crafted so that the bad guy is the main characters long lost brother, and the long lost brother is in love with the main character's best friend, and the main character's best friends' dad is actually her long lost brother's dad, making all three mentioned characters related by blood in some way or another, JUST. NO. (Now, if a brother starts off as mildly good, but eventually lapses in to evilness before his sister is born, I could see why the sister is tied in with the long lost brother bad guy…just…use rationality when making these sort of webs. A gajillion tie-ins isn't being genius; it's looking dumb.)
Irrational Author's Problem #6.) ENOUGH WITH THE OVERUSED IDEAS! Yes, it might be easier to follow the beaten paths of the over-saturated writers' market that we call Barnes and Nobles, but, goodness gracious, please, specifically:
a.) Stop killing off the main character or the main character's best friend or the main character's family. There are other ways to garner pity for a character other than emotionally and physical wrecking his/her life! Stress and anxiety are your friends; the imminent threat of danger, forced conformity, rapidly changing events, and confusion will always be on your side, so USE. THEM.
b.) The significant other is not a Victoria's Secret model, okay? Romance can exist between two people, no matter how handsome/beautiful they are. I'm kind of sick of reading books about, "Eriana blushed at the sight of Naron's intricate musculature rippling under his shirt as he easily hefted her fallen, over-stuffed bag. When he stood up, dark, silky hair tossed in the aromatic air, she swallowed hard and stammered a very quiet expression of gratitude. Grinning at the pink hue that lined her smooth, slender neck, he jauntily motioned to their classroom, ebony eyes flashing with golden flecks, and, in a warm daze, she stumbled ahead of him." Yes, I understand that physical attraction is one of the first things that strikes up romance, but personalities attract too. MAKE. PERSONALITIES.
c.) If you even think…about writing a story fueled by amnesia…I will personally hunt you down…and burn your story…mercilessly. (For those of you who don't know what an amnesia story is, it's the story that begins like, "Eriana woke up with a ringing headache in a dark room decorated like a mansion with a high, ribbed ceiling, an extinguished chandelier, and curling wallpaper. Cold rain was pelting the dirty windows, and there was blood on her pale hands and neck. She tried to remember where she was, she tried to remember who she was, but, with a sinking sensation of panic, Eriana realized that she knew nothing about who she was or how she had come to exist in such strange surroundings." Then, from that point on, Eriana meets old enemies while trying to figure out what kind of person she was. Jason Bourne did it already, and he did it well. Don't do it again.)
d.) NO LOVE TRIANGLES.
e.) It's bloody OKAY to make a character who doesn't know Tae Kwon Do, Karate, Ju Jitsu, Kendo, how to operate a gun, or a wakizashi, or a sword, or a dagger, throwing knives, a bow and a sheathe of arrows, a katana, a flamethrower, or a staff. Characters who don't have telekinesis, invisibility, super strength, super speed, or super anything are OKAY. Unarmed, unlearned characters can still get cool points through mental capabilities or physical looks, yes? Unarmed, unlearned characters are even cooler if they LEARN how to be cool throughout the book, so PLEAAASE quit equipping your characters like Ironman. They are not and will never be as cool as Tony Stark, so just…just stop.
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Okaaay, this rant is now complete. Carry on and...
Write on…WITH RATIONALITY.
Clove
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