Baby Authors

A long, long time ago in a book far, far, FAAAR away, we authors displayed our ignorance with our first novels.  I really dunno, guys; some people look back at their beginning books with admiration, and others just laugh at their rough, ancient words.  But, personally, I shudder when looking at my old writings.  Really, it has only been about three and a half years since I began my life as a fiction author, but…heesh…my first book can be described with no other word than "ugh".

Here are four reasons why I dislike my past works:

1.) I didn't have a proper representation of life.
In 2010, when I first started writing, I was only eleven years old, and I didn't know the least thing about emotional trauma, solitude, or…psh, think of something and I didn't know it.  Originally, I wanted to write medieval fantasy - castles, knights and princesses, and sailing in pirate ships - but history lessons had unfortunately eliminated any description paragraphs on the aforementioned topics, so my castles were basically large houses with running water and torches, my knights and princesses acted like gossipy pre-teen girls, and the pirate ships were Harry-Potter-magically-charmed to have as much cabin space as the Titanic.

"UGH."

Plus, let's not even get started on dialogue.  Speech was choppy, my characters were dull and blurred, and EBWEEWUN SPOKE LIKE AN ELEBEN YEER OLD GURL.

2.) I didn't ever vary my sentences.
I did.  He did.  She did.
I am.  He was.  She was.
Subject Verb Direct Object.  Subject Verb Predicate Nominative.  Subject Verb Predicate Adjective.
Tacking on then, finally, or suddenly before the sentence was probably as diverse as I got, which means that reading my old work is like reading a literature book for kindergardeners (cat likes dog, dog chases cat, cat on bat, hop on pop, doc tore Seuss), just it was worse.
Why?
Everything had been dripped from the lacking gray matter OB UHN ELEBEN YEER OLD GURL.

3.) Talk about poor word choices and focuses.
Instead of simply painting a picture with the words, "Her broken bone had cut through her skin, and blood was dripping down the cut, sending electric stabs from her waist down to her toes", I made some sort of contest to hastily toss as many weak synonym-adjectives (blazing, burning, searing, roaring, broiling) before the word "pain" as I could before the sentence got too awkward.
Also, when I could've just written one sentence that said, "She screamed," I decided to string together about six different sentences that said, "She screamed.  She writhed in blazing, burning, searing, roaring, broiling pain.  The blazing, burning, searing, roaring, broiling pain was intense.  She wanted to die.  Everything hurt."

Hmhm, what's that I hear?

Sounds like an ELEBEN YEER OLD GURL TINKING DAT SHE BE WITEN LIKE A PWO.

4.) My old stories remind me of my lack of plot.
For some reason, a blank document never scared me; I'd get straight to writing as soon as I had a semi-decent idea…and…thus the problem.  I was too impatient to hold onto an idea so that I could put many individual, developed ideas, as a group, into one massive story with character development, climax, and delicious days and days of editing.

…impatient eleben yeer old gurl.  -_-

In Korea, four is the number than represents death.  The number of my post's points has been no coincidence, ladies and gentlemen.  If you are just beginning to write, TAKE HEED.  DO NOT WRITE LIKE AN ELEBEN YEER OLD GURL.

Write on!
Clove
P.S. A writing challenge is coming up - I'm looking for creepy songs and ideas, yo, so keep your ears peeled for good songs and some fresh, creepy phrases.