So for those of you who have read my previous story Death Would Be So Near, I have a special favor to ask. As you read the last blog post (you did read it, right?), you may have noticed a.) that I stole some phrases directly out of DWBSN and b.) that I practically copied the first chapter of DWBSN.
(You know what I mean: there's a teenage girl, something happens, bodyguard and parents die, and she has to flee from home with her sibling(s).)
So I was wondering if you all think this version is as melodramatic...? Do you think it's more realistic? Do you think it is missing something? More emotion, more confusion, more fear? Much appreciated if you all would compare it to DWBSN and give me some feedback in the comments box below. ^.^
I tried to twist the two chapters up with some fresh ideas (by which I mean, more man-slaughter and blood and betrayal), and I would very much like to know if my "ideas" were too overboard. So comments are welcome, even if you haven't read DWBSN. :D
For the rest of you, I thought some behind-the-computer-screen information would be fun, no?
1.) Pai is based off of my younger sister Kaitlin, and she's actually a very accurate copy. ;)
2.) I took the names "Tarkin" and "Tarkina" from C.S. Lewis' The Horse and His Boy.
3.) Acel is Ian's equivalent from DWBSN. The description paragraphs on both men are nearly identical.
4.) Syne's murdering Acel and injuring Patrya was inspired solely from the last ten minutes of Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood Episode 8. (Ahhh, I'm such a sucker for the bad guys...)
5.) Syne's name is a mix of Sin and Sine (the mathematical function). As I hate both, I thought it was fitting, and you pronounce it with a long 'I'. :D
Write on!
Clove
P.S. I know it's a little early, but any title suggestions?
Well, I thought you did a great job with those chapters. While I read, I noticed several of the strategies I've been learning from a book on writing. You used them correctly, even if you didn't mean to, and they worked to draw my attention and hold it. So good job!
ReplyDeleteAs to this version being less melodramatic and more realistic, I feel like it was better. But I feel like such a bad judge of that kind of thing because I've never experienced anything like it. Still, I imagine that I would be feeling a mixture of grief and panic and focus on protecting my siblings.
Good, good! Heheh, thank you so much for your feedback, Charissa. :D
DeleteAnd yeah, I agree...
Trying to conjure how Patrya would feel was like trying to conjure a bunny with frog legs out of thin air...I basically went off of what I've read from other authors... ;)
Where can I read Death Would Be so Near?
ReplyDeleteUmmm...no where. XD DWBSN is an ooold romance story that I did once upon a time, and it's...horrible. Period. I'll explain what I plan to do with it in a future post. :)
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