The truth about "said"

While most writing can be improved by choosing strong and precise nouns, adjectives, and verbs, this isn't always so.  When reading a novel's dialogue, we should be paying attention to what the characters say and learn about their feelings through their words.  But too many young authors overstress the verbal markers of back-and-forth speech.  So we read Frank replied or Frank riposted or even Losing his temper, Frank violently expostulated.  Much of the time, a careful writer can set up the rhythm of a conversation so that it's always clear who's speaking and with what degree of passion.  If more precise identification is needed, a simple Frank said will usually suffice, the weak and common verb scarcely intruding on the give-and-take on the page.
~MD

A good friend of mine had once told me an anecdote about when she had been in a bookstore, reading a novel that told how to write...well, novels.  She had noted with surprise that the author of the novel explicitly out-ruled any other dialogue tag aside from "said."
"How can you do that?" my friend had asked me, "It just seems so...hard."

And I agree.

Out-ruling every dialogue tag aside from "said" sounds a little extreme, even for me.  But authors, please, please, please.  For the love of Saint Francis of Assisi, do not get anywhere near something like:

"That's life," Maggie muttered.
Megan countered, "What's life?"
Maggie replied, "Life's a magazine!"
"How much does it cost?" Megan inquired.
"Ten cents," Maggie answered.
Megan sighed, "I only have a nickel."
"That's life," Maggie muttered.

Notice that I never used a single uncommon dialogue tag.  Muttered, countered, replied, inquired, answered, and sighed are all dialogue tags I use quite frequently.  But also notice the positioning of these dialogue tags.
It's right in banter.
In any normal sit-down-and-discourse-over-dinner, these dialogue tags would be perfectly at home, but in quick repartee, well...read the following dialogue out-loud, only hum for three seconds at every asterisk.

"That's life."  *
*  "What's life?"
*  "Life's a magazine!"
"How much does it cost?"  *
"Ten cents."  *
*  "I only have a nickel."
"That's life."  *

Sounds incredibly sluggish, no?
If you're ever at doubt whether to put in a fancy dialogue tag, a normal dialogue tag, or no dialogue tag at all, do this humming test and see if your dialogue still sounds realistic.  If you're pausing too much or pausing too little, supplement with the proper wordage.

"Write on!"
said Clove