UF...ohhh...

If you all didn't know, for the past few months, I've been attempting to learn how to accurately write like a teenage/young adult male.  In the process of this task, I spent a lot of time talking to Ellen Potter and Anne Mazer (two of the most amazing female authors on the planet due to this) about their strategies, I spent a lot of time talking to my brother about his brain, and above all, I spent a lot, like hours and hours, of time, doing this:

"ULTIMAAATE...FRISBEE!!!"

In conclusion, I have come to learn that the easiest way to write like guys is to hang out with them for a little bit...or a lot, in my case.

But, in case if you, as a female author, don't want to do all that leg-work concerning technique, I'll spare you and just give you, a female author, 3 Tips to Aid Writing Like a Young Man.  (And note well, this is only as best as I have figured it out.  In the end, it's practically impossible for a guy to fully understand a girl and vice versa.)

That said.

Numero Uno.) Quit talking.

Honestly.

When searching for male-esque dialogue, I first tried to talk to guys and see what slang they'd use, if it was any different from us girls, if I could put my girl-to-dude conversation in place of a dude-to-dude conversation.

Yeahhh...no banana.

There's a boatload of difference between a guy/girl conversation and a guy conversation.

Trust me.

So, if you're searching for male-esque dialogue (or any funny dialogue), conveniently stick yourself somewhere behind a dude-conversation with a notebook and pen in hand as if you were doing homework and listen.

Stuff'll come, trust me.

Pro Tip: Bring something with which you can stuff your mouth.  If you pick the right guys, you're going to be snorting and giggling and smirking and making suppressed happy noises.  Young men are just funny people, and you don't want to blow your cover.  ^.^

2.) Don't go to Dad.  Do go to Brother.

I know, the first thing in your head when you're trying to write as a male is, "My Dad's a male.  I'll go ask him."

No, no, no.

If your dad has any sort of job that includes writing, you're going to get a very formal, businesslike voice when you ask for sample text.  That's meh-inspitation if you're shooting for a young man's voice.

On the other hand, if you happen to live in a mutualistic relationship of any sort with your teen male sibling, have at it.  I can't measure the number of things I've learned from Josh when he and I have talked.

Pro Tip: Don't alienate your siblings.  They're sooo useful when it comes to story ideas, especially the young ones.  How many times have I asked Joe or Kait a story question that they answered from an angle I never considered and totally could use?  Countless.

3.) Plaaay Ultimaaate Frisbeeeee!!!

Why?

BECAUSE IT'S FUN.

More specifically, you should play with guys.

Pro Tip: Learn how to throw and catch a frisbee before you begin.  It helps IMMENSELY.  Brownie points if you can do cool tricks with the frisbee as well; that always stands as a good thing.

Pro Tip: Make sure you already have a positive standing relationship with the guys you are playing against/with.  Otherwise...

Eh, just do.

As you play, don't get so sucked into winning that you're not paying attention to the things around you. Watch how guys interact, how they run, when they run, when they don't, and specifically what they say.

I've learned that it's really hard to guess how guys feel, and, the majority of the time, we girls feel things much more intensely.  We're the ones to get hung up over something, have indecisive moments, and cry at anger, sorrow, fear, happiness, envy, success, failure, spilled milk, burnt bread, cry, cry, cry.  Admit it; we cry a lot.

So when writing like guys, I prefer to express their emotions through dialogue, which includes a lot of squabbling when they're angry, quietness when they're sad, and joking when they're happy.  The more time you spend around a male's natural habitat, the easier male dialogue will become.

~ ~ ~

At a water fountain...

Josh, motioning at Jon: Ladies first.

Jon, going first: Pearls before swine.

Andrew: You're not even using that phrase correctly.

At a water fountain...

Jon, motioning at Josh: Ladies first.

Josh, going first: Beauty before age, ugly.

A: From the way that they run, you'd think that we're offering them as child sacrifices to Molech or something.
B: Just tell them that if they keep running, we will.

Jarod: One word: that hurts.
Josh: That’s two words, you idiot.

Daniel: Hey, Clove, this is my friend, Nathaniel, but feel free to call him Betsy.
Me: Hi, Betsy.
Nathaniel: And you can call him Sally.
Me: Hey, Sally.

A: Oh, there you guys are.  Where’s B?
C: He died of food poisoning.
D: No, he died in China.
E: He’s right behind you.
B: What’d I miss?
A: *facepalm*

E: You look tired.
A: I am.
E: So, how much sleep did you get last night?
A: Last night?  Or this morning?
E: Depending on what time it was when you went to sleep.
A: Then this morning.
E: *facepalm*  So, how much sleep did you get this morning?

Bob: Hey, Jon!

Jon: Yes, ma'am?

~ ~ ~

Write on!
Clove