Time for a coffee break.
Quick announcement:
One dark day in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys got up to fight,
Round and round, they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each other...
17.15 cool beans to the person who can tell me the title of the above poem...I've been searching for never.
Heheh.
Have you guys been taking my advice and using music as you write? Found any good ones? Another 15.17 cool beans if you post your favorite writing song in the comments box below.
Just as quick warning for when you use music to write, I've noticed that there are a lot of authors...like...countless...who have used music so heavily to feel emotion that their writing is absolutely bone dry of the stuff. You know what I mean...
It was dawn. Cloudy. Dead.
Eriana paced the length of her castle gardens wearily. After a moment, she turned, pacing again in the opposite direction. As she walked, she felt her heart tremor in a combination of anger and sorrow.
Fymorn...
You can be dead.
But he was, and nothing she could do, no number of steps that she made, would change that.
Mahhh...the feeling is still there, one of numbness. However, it doesn't read right. There's not enough information, and it's far too broken. Notice how many verbs are emphasizing the "walking" that she does - "paced", "pacing", "walked", "number of steps". That's because I, when I wrote it, was listening to the most gut-wrenchingly sad music that exists. It seemed fine when I wrote it, but now that I've come back and am not listening to music, it looks...well...pathetic.
If I were to revise it, it would probably look more like...ehhh...this:
It was a gray dawn. Cloudy. Dead.
Weary and too numb to cry any longer, Eriana paced the length of her castle gardens like a specter. Her castle gardens. Just twelve hours ago, they had been Fymorn's, but now...all Jayal Hrion and its massive burden had been bequeathed to her shoulders by the power of a yellowed sheet of paper that contained Fymorn's will.
Having reached the end of the path, Eriana turned, pacing again in the opposite direction. Her heart was tremoring with every step in a combination of anger and sorrow.
Fymorn...
You can be dead.
But her father was gone. She was powerless to change that fact.
There's a little more information, which means a little more work was required, but it's definitely worth the editing, agreed?
Write on!
Clove
Oh gosh. You must have written this one just for me. I listen to music that makes me cry or get pumped up, I know exactly how you are feeling. But, I will tell you my favorite writing songs. First of all, any Fray song is perfect for writing, and so are Bastille's songs. (my favorite being "Things We Lost to the Fire"). Other than that, Ingrid Michelson is awesome too. :) What are yours?
ReplyDeleteTHE FRAY IS AWESOME. Ohhh...how many times have I listened to their cover for "Heartless"? Too many. XD Kris Allen does an awesome cover for that song too. :) Ingrid is a good singer, but I don't think I've ever used to write...I'll have to try someday. :) *tosses Jordan 15.17 cool beans*
DeleteThe whole poem is as follows:
ReplyDeleteLadies and Gentlemen, skinny and stout,
I'll tell you a tale I know nothing about;
The Admission is free, so pay at the door,
Now pull up a chair and sit on the floor.
One fine day in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys got up to fight;
Back to back they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each other.
A blind man came to watch fair play,
A mute man came to shout "Horray!"
A deaf policeman heard the noise and
Came to stop those two dead boys.
He lived on the corner in the middle of the block,
In a two-story house on a vacant lot;
A man with no legs came walking by,
and kicked the lawman in his thigh.
He crashed through a wall without making a sound,
into a dry creek bed and suddenly drowned;
The long black hearse came to cart him away,
But he ran for his life and is still gone today.
I watched from the corner of the big round table,
The only eyewitness to facts of my fable;
But if you doubt my lies are true,
Just ask the blind man, he saw it too.
It actually kind of depends on who you ask...the version I have is this one:
DeleteLadies and gentlemen, hoboes and tramps,
Cross-eyed mosquitoes and bow-legged ants,
I come before you to stand behind you,
To tell you something I know nothing about.
Next Thursday, which is Good Friday,
There will be a Mother's Day meeting for fathers only;
Admission is free, so pay at the door,
Pull up a seat and sit on the floor.
The topic to discuss...
The crime that has never been committed:
One dark day in the middle of the night,
Two dead men got up to fight,
Back to back they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each other,
One was blind and the other couldn't see
So they chose a dummy for a referee.
A blind man went to see fair play,
A dumb man went to shout "hooray!"
A paralyzed donkey passing by,
Kicked the blind man in the eye,
Knocked him through a nine inch wall,
Into a dry ditch and drowned them all,
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
And came to arrest the two dead boys,
If you don't believe this story’s true,
Ask the blind man he saw it too!
I still don't know the title... ;)
I googled it and it said the title was "Two dead boys" Go figure. :) Hope that helps! (That is, assuming Google's right!)
ReplyDelete*tosses Jordan 17.15 beans*
DeleteI've also heard it called "One Fine Day in the Middle of the Night" and "The Paradox Poem"... o.o
I actually enjoy that poem! (I don't particularly like poems) It is so....nonsensical? Nonsensical, yes that's the word. The last line still is the best: Ask the blind man, he saw it too! :)
ReplyDeleteHahaha, yupp. I've got it memorized, so I walk around at home, shouting it out in a Shakespearean voice. X)
Delete